Yikes!

I just looked at the date of my last post. Ouch. Obviously I am a failure as a blogger. Thankfully I don't really have much of a following and I only write this for my own enjoyment and stree relief. :)

So without further ado, onward to the next great infomercial product!

Er...



I'm not really sure where to begin. Perhaps that fantastic music in the background? Or the fact that the cleaning cloths are called bonnets? Or that oddly placed close-up on the zombie baby in the backseat?

But on a serious note, I can't BELIEVE that the windshield wonder can clean with tap water! Who'd have ever thought that water could be used to clean things? AMAZING!

Holiday Cheer!

Alright, I know how badly I've been failing this blog over the past few months. It's completely my fault. College is teaching me how to time-manage, but I'm still working out a few kinks.

So, without further ado, I present you with your first gift of the holiday season.

PAJAMAGRAMS! I should warn you that this infomercial is kind of raunchy. I should also warn you that this commercial would be much more raunchy if it wasn't so idiotic.



First off, HOW CREEPY ARE THESE GUYS? Just look at their expressions while they're staring down those pajama models. "Aw yeah...yeah, that's right...you wear those pajamas." You'd think they were lonely ax murderers at a strip club. (By the way, pajamagrams also sells strip kits on their website! So you can bring the strip club right into the comfort of your own home. Oh yes.)

And then there's that opening line. Does it get any better than "sexy" jazz music and "there's only one gift that's guaranteed to get women to take their clothes off?"

Guess what it is.

No, seriously. Guess.

Nope, that's not it, although points for creativity! Lighting her clothes on fire with your new flamethrower would definitely get the clothes off one way or another, but that's too much of a liability for our company. Try again.

Still can't guess it? I'll give you a hint. A pair of banana brothers on a children's television show wore these.

You know what? Forget it. I'll just tell you. It's PAJAMAS!!!!

Er...yeah....Receiving a pair of pajamas surely causes women to walk through the house while doing a striptease. Right?

Seriously, though, I'm going to stop here with the comments. Why, you ask? Go back and look at that commercial. Do I NEED to say anything more about it? Other than it wins the seal of approval for creepiest commercials ever aired?

Well?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

What a lovely horse!

Kodak really got their money's worth on this advertisement.




Note to Shop Home TV: Perhaps you should screen your salesmen for blindness BEFORE you put them on TV.

Sci-Fi and infomercials? HECK YES!

I'm sure none of you know anything about my incredibly nerdy disposition (*cough* don't look here *cough*).

However, as much as I love science fiction and all things related to the world of geekdom, I have to say that this commercial threw me for a loop.

Please enjoy this old school commercial introducing the Apple Macintosh computer.



My first though upon seeing this was, "Uh...Apple? I'll give you points for imagination, but I'm not sure mindless drones walking to the tune of a creepy man on a television screen is the best way to sell a computer."

Then, upon catching that first glimpse of the runner, I wondered when this commercial turned into a track and field competition. And what's that in her hand? Is she a pole vaulter? Is that a javelin? Wait...no, it's a...hammer? Wait, she's running with a hammer? And the mindless drones don't notice her? What are those creepy exterminators doing here?

Rapidly, my mind began to spin, confusion swooping in and taking hold of my thoughts.

And then I was struck by a sudden clarity. Almost as if this commercial was a metaphor. Maybe the woman running with the hammer represents the strength and speed of Apple computers! Yes! That must be it!

And then they had to go and spoil my revelation with some lame literary reference. I mean, really? Talking about George Orwell's classic novel in the year 1984? Yeah, like THAT's creative. "This is why 1984 won't be like 1984."

Apple, I am deeply disappointed in your deep symbolism about the future of humanity and the effects of technology on the world.

(....but really I love your commercial and I wish I had been alive to have thought of it so I could claim the glory. Because this commercial is AWESOME and very geek-tastic.)

Return from Hiatus!

I'm excessively sorry to anyone who has been glued to their computer for the past few weeks just waiting for me to update (I can dream, can't I?). I've been ridiculously busy lately and haven't had the proper inspiration for a new post--until today.

Today I'm kicking it back to the old school days of VHS tapes, where you had to manually fast forward through those pesky commercials at the the beginning just to get to your feature presentation. Don't we all miss those days? Of course we do!

So go grab yourself a diet coke and remember just why you chose it:



I feel so nostalgic right now. I feel like a little kid again, watching Indiana Jones on road trips with my family on the little portable TV in the back. I miss the days when I knew that Indiana Jones was the coolest archaeology professor around, and that he would always make the right choice...like Diet Coke over the P-word.

But I'm a little confused. Is this supposed to be the woman's fantasy? Because if so, there would have been a close up on Harrison Ford's rugged features and not some shadowed imposter leaping around with a whip pretending to be something that he isn't. Not to mention no woman in her right mind would have left without a little lip action. I mean, come on. We're talking 1980's Harrison Ford. Is there anything better?

*Ahem* Well, anyway...I hope you all enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. I know I sure did. I think I should look for more of these old coke commercials. They're pretty epic.

Not for the faint of heart...

...because this infomercial is absolutely horrific.



AIEEEEEEEEEE!
Rats, and roaches, and mice, oh my!

When I watched this infomercial on TV a few moments ago, I was bringing food to my lips. Literally. And I had to stop because this commercial came on.

Did they REALLY find it necessary to show us hoardes of pests and RATS? A HUGE SWARM OF RATS? Followed by the words "...around your kids, pets, and FOOD?"

Thank you, makers of Riddex plus, for killing my appetite. (While you're at it, why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?)

I think this infomercial is a little too effective. Instead of wanting to buy their product, I want to run shrieking from my dorm room and keep going until I can't run any more.

Did anyone notice how this whole infomercial keeps talking about exterminating bugs and getting rid of the bugs and not having to use the bug men?

Now, did anyone notice how they never specifically say that the Riddex Plus will get rid of rats and mice?

Yeah, me too.

Dirt and Disorder: SVU

"Detective Clean, it seems our precinct has overlooked a very serious problem."
"That's not possible, Captain Detergent. What could we have missed? We have the best cleaning products in the country."
"Apparently not. Watch this video." (don't bother watching all of it. I would recommend you only watch up to 1:45, skip the testimonials up to 2:20 then end at 3:30, for the most economical viewing.)



"That guy? Geez, is he still around?"
"Shut up and pay attention. This is important."
.....
"I can think of a lot dirtier words than 'bagless.'"
"That's beside the point, detective. The point is that we swore a long time ago to clean up these streets, and what have we done? We've just been picking up the scum and tossing it back out."
"Is it really as bad as all that?"
"You bet it is! Will you listen for once in your life? Take a look at all that dirt in that canister, just wafting into the air. With the Oreck, you can vacuum with a baby in your hands and not risk it getting diseases. That's real power, Detective. Don't you wish you could take the next step to keep this place germ-free?"
"You've got a point, Captain. I guess I never thought of it that way."
"So do we have an agreement?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we do."
"That's what I like to hear."
"I wonder what the surprise gift is?"
"Eh, I didn't bother watching that far."