Let's not forget about the children.

Children's products, that is.

But before we begin, I'd like to give a shout out to Anonymous Reader. High five! for taking some time to tell me that you read my blog. I don't know who you are. You are probably one of my close friends posting anonymously to make me feel good about myself.

But it's working, so thanks. ;)

On to today's infomercial: The "Big Squirt! Water Toy"





Where to begin, where to begin....hmmm.....ah! Here we go.

I would first and foremost like to point out that the exclamation points! in the middle of phrases are so last year. You know that if Panic at the Disco is over exclamation points, the rest of the world should be too. So perhaps the makers of Big Squirt! Water Toy should take the hint and jump on the bandwagon of proper! English grammar.

Secondly, I think I might have seized a little bit during this infomercial, with all those BRIGHT, TOTALLY AWESOME! COLORS! flashing at me.

Now because this is a commercial intended for children, I will not in any way shape or form allude to any innuendo! that may or may not come to mind when watching this. (Except for right now. Right now I'm telling you to go back and watch it again. Seriously. Just pay attention to all the little details and soak it in. To the absolutely filthy-minded, this is just dripping with awkward! wordage. Or so I've been told. I wouldn't know about such things, being as wet behind the ears as I am.)

I would say, though, that directors of this commercial should have paid a bit more attention to the way they had some of these children hold their big squirts.
"Uh, Jake, can you hold that just a little higher? A little farther away from your body?"
"Why?"
"Because--You know what? No. Just nevermind. You just hold that however you want to."
"You think anyone will notice?"
"Nahh. They're just kids. They couldn't possibly."

Famous last words. (Or should I say Famous! last words?)