Advertising from the Loony Bin.

I'm not sure exactly why I'm keeping this up. I seem to have no readership right now. But that's okay, because I don't write this for anyone else. I write this as a means of therapeutically releasing my sarcasm. It also helps me to learn to dedicate myself to things and finish what I start. I have a nasty habit of picking things up and leaving them a few weeks later to wither away into oblivion until I find them a year later and think, "Huh. I forgot all about that..."

Like I said. It's a very nasty habit. But thanks to those of you who are reading this, if you exist. You give me some small, strange sense of purpose. Along with everything else that I do...which is quite a bit, actually....

Sorry. Off the soapbox and onto the commercials. :)

There's a series of infomercials I'd like to share with you all. You know, in this tough economic climate (was that a groan I heard? Bear with me, I promise I'm not about to go on a rant about the recession) we all need to find something we can really invest ourselves in. Or something in which to invest what money we have left. Why not gold? I seem to be seeing more and more commercials about buying and selling gold, but there's only one company that sticks out in my mind. Rosland Capital. Why, you ask?

Just take a look for yourself.




I'm gonna skip over the obvious corniness of this little gem. (Or nugget? Heh heh.) No, I'm not going to pick on the advertisers for the old "two girls fighting over G. Gordon Liddy's insider tips" ploy. Instead, I'm going right for the wide open jugular: The fact that they're using G. GORDON LIDDY TO ADVERTISE THEIR PRODUCT.

You know, because he's such a trustworthy guy. *wink* "It'll be our little secret."

You'd know ALL about secrets, now, wouldn't you, Mr. G. Gordon Liddy?

Lost? Let me fill you in. G. Gordon Liddy is one of the most suspicious culprits involved with the Watergate Scandal. If you don't feel like looking him up, let me give you a few highlights:
1. He joined CREEP (Committee to Re-Elect the President) and came up with a $1 million operation to discredit opponents called Operation Gemstone, which involved such schemes as blackmailing delegates with prostitutes. It also involved kidnapping antiwar and civil rights leaders and carrying them across the border. The plan was later cut back to a mere $250, 000.
2. This plan also involved placing bugs in two of the phones at the DNC so they could eavesdrop on conversations. When it became clear one of the bugs was defective, Liddy's group broke into Watergate again to see what was wrong.
3. Those five men got caught.
4. Liddy got sentenced to 20 years in prison for conspiracy, wiretapping, and burglary. Nothing major, or anything. Y'know. Typical offenses. Tsk tsk.
5. Liddy claims that Watergate was actually John Dean's big idea to cover up evidence implicating his fiancee in a *ahem* call-girl ring. The pictures were supposedly hidden in Ida "Maxie" Wells' desk. This allegation led to numerous legal battles. Way to go, Gordy. Skip over the fact that the break-in was still illegal, and you were still most definitely involved in it. And they have lots and lots of evidence that points directly at you, Mr. Liddy.
6. He used to do things like burning his hand over candles and eating rats in an effort to become a "strong man".

I could keep going, but I'll let you explore Mr. Liddy's background further on your own time. On one positive note, Mr. Liddy DOES know a lot about finances and investments. And money laundering.

I can just imagine the conversation the advertisers had when they thought about who to hire to represent the company.
"Well, we need a pretty familiar name. Someone with influence. Someone who makes people want to give him their money for gold. Someone who's really obnoxious to boot. Someone who just screams scruples, honesty, trust, loyalty."
"What about that Liddy guy? You know, the one with the talk show? People seem to like him."
"His book was a best-seller."
"Best-seller, huh? Well, you know how much I love anything with the words "best" and "sell" in them. Give him a call. Make sure you do a thorough background check, though. This advertisement is very important. We've got to make sure he's got a clean record."
"Well, he was sentenced to twenty years in prison, but he only served five because he got pardoned by Jimmy Carter."
"Pardoned...that means he's clean, right? Like, the American people can go back to trusting him fully and completely, no questions asked?"
"Definitely."
"Well, what are you waiting for! He sounds like JUST the man for the job."

Please excuse me while I go bang my head against a wall for a few moments. And then, I'm going to go find myself a copy of All the President's Men.
Stay tuned, though, because there are more Liddy-mercials to come.