Almost too good to be true, but only almost.

Today, I've selected the first of the kitchen utilities. Kitchen utilities are a class of their own, don't you think?

Introducing, the HANDY PEEL!



Wow, this infomercial's got all the best tricks of the trade!
1) The broken record approach: "Peel-peel-peeling potatoes!"
2) The phrase "quick and easy".
3) Alliteration! "A pile of perfectly peeled potatoes."

It's great! Wow, I'm really having a hard time finding anything wrong with this...
................
But wait, did my ears deceive me, or did the announcer just use the phrase "molded rubbing nubs?"

Take a moment to let that sink in. Molded rubbing nubs. I don't know what mental image you get, but my own involves some disembodied and gangrenous upper arms canoodling a pile of potatoes. *shiver* I won't be eating potatoes anytime this week.

"But you know what's even greater about the Handy Peel? You can just rub your potatoes and they instantly become mashed potatoes or french fries!"

I have to tell you, though, my favorite part of this commercial: "Get the handy peel and leave MOST of the veggie for the meal!"
Why do I love this so much? Well, all advertisers ever do these days is over-exaggerate. Every time I turn on the television to watch my favorite infomercials, I am faced with the harsh reality that these products may not live up to expectations.

But that's not the case with the Handy Peel commercial! No, they only promise you MOST of the vegetable. "No need to mess with exactly how much "most" is because by generalizing, we can't ever let you down (so long as you get over 50% of your vegetable)! Aren't we such honest and almost-hard-working advertisers?"

Way to go, semi-achievers. Don't overstep your capabilities.