Chuck Norris Approved?

Who needs infomercials when you have Chuck Norris?
But wait...why choose when you can have BOTH?!
(I promise to refrain from any Chuck Norris jokes in this post...even if I have to physically restrain myself...)

That's right! It's the Total Gym Workout!
I don't need to say anything about this infomercial, of course, because it's Chuck Norris endorsing this product! Chuck Norris cannot be described by my meager wit and sarcasm....



.....
But...
Wait a minute, is that Chuck Norris endorsing this product? Because it seems like...well, it kind of seems like there's a new Chuck Norris in town. They say behind every great man is an even greater woman, so what happens when the woman decides to take over? (Well, my guess is it looks a lot like THAT. Right, Gena?)

I'm stricken with sudden fear. Is there a greater entity in the celebriverse? Could it be that there is a greater one than Chuck Norris?!

Poor guy, trying to get a word in edgewise. (Methinks I hear the sound of a distant crack of a whip.)

By the way, anyone reading this should go to google and type in "find chuck norris". DO NOT CLICK SEARCH. Click "I'm Feeling Lucky." It'll brighten your day. :)

Again with the apologies...

I have to apologize again for my lack of posting. I moved into college this week and haven't really had much time for anything else. Now that I've got some downtime, I'm resuming my daily (or almost daily) blog posting.

Today I'm going to cheat a little bit, however. I'm going to post one of my favorite infomercials, and then I'm going to post the remixed version. Probably not as much commentary because I'm feeling incredibly lazy. :)



I can't even describe this infomercial. I can only say that I hope you laughed as much at this as I did. ("You're gonna love my nuts..." Really, Vince? Really?)

I will say those mixtures he's chopping together look...*shiver* so disgusting. Although I do particularly like the little sparkle after he chops the "ice cream toppings" and the mango/strawberry combination. The sparkle is probably my favorite infomercial technique. So classy, so lively, so realistic...er...Well, don't your infomercial products sparkle when you use them?

However, that's all the commentary I've got for today. Instead, I'm going to share this gem with you.



This thing is seriously catchy. It cracked me up the first time I saw it, and then I couldn't get it unstuck from my head.

That's all for today. I'll try to post again soon, though I can't promise it will be tomorrow.

Products that did not save my life, nor will they ever.

Yesterday I featured products that were heaven sent during the process of moving into my collegiate box. Today, I have a feature of products that I will likely never use, if only because of their ridiculous infomercials. Case in point: The Space Bag.





Now, as I mentioned yesterday, closet organization has always been a bit of an issue for me. It took me a year after we moved into our new house to actually get all of my clothes, accessories, shoes, etc. organized in my closet/bathroom.

I would never go so far as to describe my closet as a jungle. THAT's just saaaad.

But I did seriously consider this product until I realized that this product is FANTASTIC....if you never want to actually wear your clothes. Sure, suck all the air out of the bag and stuff as much as you want in them. Put all your clothes in these bags and your space problems are solved. But don't come crying to me when you realize that you put your entire wardrobe in the attic and now you have to go back up there and search through the sheets of flattened fabric for that very specific pink shirt you want--wait, what's that? You've got thirty pink shirts? Well, start digging, because you won't be able to tell them apart once they're in the space bags.

Look on the bright side, though. You can store everything in a soapy bathtub! How cool is that?
.......
Moving on. I've always been kind of a heavy sleeper, so getting up in the morning for 8 o clock classes is a potential difficulty that I face. I had to find the perfect alarm clock. This is not it.

"QUICK! EVERYONE OUT OF BED! THE FIRE ALARM IS GOING OFF!"
*loud cursing from next door* "EVERY MORNING! EVERY FREAKING MORNING!"
*pounding on door* "SARAH, I SWEAR TO YOU THAT IF YOU DO NOT TURN OFF THAT $&%# ALARM CLOCK I WILL KILL YOU."
"I'm sorry! I can't find the helicopter thing. It flew off somewhere into my jungle of a closet."
"DID YOU CHECK BEHIND THE SHOES?!"
"Yes! It's gotta be here somewhere."
Ten minutes later, as the whole dorm floor has congregated outside my door with pitchforks and candle warmers (because no fire is allowed in dorms, of course), the flying topper of the alarm clock is located and the clock is tossed out of the sixth-story window, never to be heard from again.

I decided instead to just get an alarm clock that personally annoys me and put it on the other side of my dorm room so I have to get up to hit the snooze button.

I'll end the post with a product that is probably kind of worthwhile, but I just have a few bones to pick with the infomercial.




First things first: If your closet is really that messy, perhaps you should first consider getting rid of the mountains of clothes that you don't use and keeping the other mountains that you do use. That might solve part of your problem right there.

What bothers me more about this commercial, though, is that I can't quite figure it out. Not the flip fold itself, but this so-called "inventor". If department stores have been using the Flip Fold for years, wouldn't you think the inventor would have capitalized on it long ago? My suspicion is that she found out through some scandalous and nefarious means the big secret of department stores and their folding techniques, and she decided to steal the design and name it something catchy to turn a profit. Then again, that could just be good business on her part.

What REALLY kills me about this, though, is how many times they use the word FUN in conjuction with LAUNDRY. NO LAUNDRY IS FUN. PERIOD. Who do these people think they are? That's just an outrageous, unashamed lie, and dishonest advertisers get their names written in permanent ink on the naughty list.

Infomercials that saved my life.

This is actually a somewhat serious blog post. This week, I am moving from a rather spacious and lovely bedroom at home into a cardboard box, or "dorm room" as they like to call it. As I'm finishing the final touches on packing and moving and all that jazz, there are a few products that I never would have bought had it not been for these infomercials. And believe me, the products were much-needed. So without further ado, I shall begin my salute to these brilliant products and their advertisers.

First off, I bought bed risers to allow for more space underneath my dorm bed. No infomercial for those, but there is an infomercial for what I'm USING that space for. I salute you, makers of Shoes Under (and other off-brand under-bed shoe storage units).






They know me so well. Anyone who has seen my closet can tell you that this product is, in fact, saving my life. And if not my life, than definitely my backside. (Although I never kept shoes in their boxes. They preferred to lie in a heap underneath my dress rack.)


A product that I have not yet purchased (so I can't REALLY comment on if it has saved my life or not, but I'm pretty sure it will help out quite a bit) is the Wonder Hanger. I have lots of clothes. I like clothes more than I like shoes. Dorm closets are really not conducive to extensive wardrobes. Granted, I don't want to take my entire closet with me to school. But I have chosen a small portion of my clothes that I want to bring with me, and there's still not really enough room. I have high hopes for the wonder hanger.




Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. That's like five times the clothes. :)

I'll end the post with this infomercial, which I will have to poke some loving fun at even though I love the product. I have back problems, so I have purchased a tempurpedic (it might have been an off-brand) mattress topper for my potentially-uncomfortable dorm bed.



I can't keep back the comments though. Who honestly has a bed on their outside porch? Might put a damper on your cuddle time when it rains. (Get it? Damper?) I also particularly like the facial expression of the lady in the pink satin robe as she watches the instructional DVD with her significant other. It must be a very exciting DVD.

That blue-gray leotard must be incredibly comfortable. Otherwise, no human being would be caught dead wearing it, let alone on a commercial for everyone to see.

Still, the product is good and back-saving. :)

**UPDATE!** Yes, I'm aware that the above video is no longer available. I'm working on finding it again. In the meantime, you can watch this one or any of the related videos.

ATTENTION: MISSION...possible?

I have a new mission for anyone who might be reading this blog. I have a favorite infomercial (don't we all?) that I'm desperate to tackle sometime. It doesn't necessarily have to be soon.

Anyone ever seen the Peter Fonda Time Life Flower Power music of the 60's infomercials? I can't count the number of times I've watched this, and I never can seem to look away.

I found one 2-minute version on youtube. I'd really like the whole thing in several parts to do a series of mockeries. If anyone knows how to find this for me, I would love that person for ever. I might even wear a button with "[insert name] is my hero" for a week if someone were to find this for me.

The key word being "might."

Happy hunting!
Love, Sarah

Cinderella's Tupperware.

Originally I was going to post Debbie Meyer Green Bags today, but I stumbled upon this little fairy tale of an infomercial and thought it best to share it right away.




"Are you tired of scrubbing away at those nasty food storage containers that have been sitting in your refrigerator for months because the people you live with are too lazy to throw them out? Do you slave away over the grinding noises of the kitchen sink, desperately trying to dispose of last week's casserole before your evil stepmother finds out? ARE YOU LIVING YOUR DISMAL LITTLE LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE?

"Never fear, Fairy Godfather is here to make all your wishes come true! POOF! Your bleak, gray life is now a vibrant, colorful world full of wonderful things! Why? Because you've got the LockFresh! It's everything you've ever dreamed of and more.

"Let me extol the numerous virtues of this wondrous product! It's really great. You just put the top on and pump the air out to seal it. It's just that easy! Which is exactly why I'm going to keep talking about how easy and great it is for another minute and a half, just to make sure you've got the idea. See, once you've removed all the air, it keeps the food fresh. Isn't that wonderful? Then, once you're tired of eating leftovers, you can just clear them out and pop the containers in the dishwasher. AND they're microwave safe! How awesome is that? I think I need to keep talking about it! No more need for flimsy bags or cling wrap that doesn't cling. Now you can have the LockFresh! It's--

"....Wait, are you asleep? You fell asleep during my spiel? Seriously? Why did I even come here? I thought you wanted help. I mean, sure, I could've just given you some shoes and a fancy dress and told you to be home by midnight, but I thought I'd give you something you could actually use. I was even going to throw in a 17-piece culinary set and some marinating recipes, but obviously you're just not interested.

"You're still not listening, are you? I could be insulting you right now, and you'd never know it. WAKE UP! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!

"Seriously? Do I have the wrong house? I could have sworn the door outside said Cinderella. If this is some kind of joke, and you're really Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, I'd really appreciate it if you'd point me in the right direction. Not that you'll ever hear me talking to you over your SNORING.

"...You know what? I give up. You just go back to living in black and white. See if I care. Have fun with the rotten food in your fridge."

(Seriously, though, did any of you start to just completely zone out during this commercial? I mean, it was only two minutes long but I felt like it took FOREVER.)

Tarzan and Jane would be proud...

...to have so clearly inspired today's product.

Today, I'm getting back into the swing of things with these seemingly jungle-dweller-inspired shower wraps.




The first time I saw this, I honestly thought that I had just been flashed about four times over until they finally showed that the woman trying to wrap her towel was actually wearing undergarments. (So did she shower in her bra? I’m confused. It’s almost like those people in the Get A Grip commercial who are already wrapped in their towels when they need to get out of the shower.)

But potential wardrobe-malfunctions aside, this commercial makes me want to run up and down flights of stairs with my arms raised triumphantly over my head. Why, you ask? Did you HEAR that music? (I'm sensing a potential theme for Rocky 7: Post-Apocalypse and He's Still Going!)

Oh wait, now it's changed to some sort of tropical easy listening music. Now I just want to frolic on the beach with my significant other while wrapped in a towel. Because that's not weird or embarassing at all.

I think this infomercial is going to start a revolution -- a wearable towel revolution. Now everyone is going to wear towels everywhere! While getting the paper, bathing the baby, walking the dog, reading magazines, picking up hot chicks in bikinis, swinging through the jungle on vines while conversing with apes, going to work, shopping for appliances, going to a second cousin's bar mitzvah, changing lightbulbs, attending the theater, taking a pottery class, or maybe just schmoozing at a funeral. Every occasion is completely appropriate for wearable towels! That's why they come in an amazing variety of three different colors! (Red, white, and blue for all you patriots out there!) That's like one for every day of the week!

Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to go out and buy a Wearable Towel for my brother's wedding.

Part 3: For the hideous and grotesque.

This infomercial makes me feel great about myself. Don't you think this one's a real confidence booster?




Are your feet too gruesome to be seen by human eyes? Do people run screaming at the sight of those lumps of deceased and decaying flesh? Are you afraid to wear SEXY SANDALS?!

That's okay! We've got a solution! Try the PedEgg and turn your scaly steppers into fabulous feet! Fabulous SEXY feet! Don't mind the fact that your foot shavings being dumped in the trash is a sight more gagworthy than brushing off toenail clippings from the edge of your bed. Your feel will look FANTASTIC!

.....
Honestly, this commercial just kind of grosses me out. Way to bring out the horrific nature of nasty feet, PedEgg advertisers.

Part 2: Break out the tissues.

This retro infomercial makes me want to be a better man. (Well, you know, if I had any desire to be a man. Which, for the record, I do not. I quite enjoy being a girl.)





This is the most tragic-turned-triumphant infomercial I have ever run across. In fact, it brings a little *sniff* tear to my eye when I think about that skinny little boy in his blue knit pajamas and huge-rimmed glasses gazing in the mirror dreaming about the day when he'd be a real man. It's-- *sniff* so touching! *sob* And that music! It's enough to make you break down into tears not unlike when you watch the Notebook.

"...But a lot of us lost it."

NO! No, little ginger boy, don't give up that dream! Don't you dare give up that dream! *sniffle*

But...wait. There's....HOPE?!

"YES! If you buy the SOLOFLEX, you too can have the body of a classic gymnast! Then you get to stretch with fit women in leotards. It's fitness heaven in this gray room of ours with only a soloflex and the sound of your ever-growing muscles. It is in this fitness heaven that you will become the man that you know always knew you were meant to be."

*Snifflesobsniffle*
Why are you staring at me? Is it the mascara running down my face or the Everest of Kleenex piled beside my computer?

Thoroughly confused...

As part 1 of today's official three-part blog post, I thought I'd kick off with this fun little number. Introducing the Strap Perfect.




See, it's an advertisement for a women's vanity product that hides those pesky bra straps. So of course this infomercial is focused toward one demographic....

But shouldn't that demographic be...oh, I dunno...female? Watch it again and maybe you'll see what I mean.

Wait for it...wait for it...THERE! Did you see that close-up on the woman's chest? Keep watching, because it will happen about nine more times. So the cleavage shots are supposed to entice women to buy this product? Hmm...

Now, I'm not trying to stereotype on any particular gender here, but I seem to get a mental image of a man sitting in a chair flipping through channels when all of a sudden CLEAVAGE meets his eyes and the words "nice firm lift" reach his ears. His significant other is in the next room. He turns back to the TV and thinks... "You know, I bet [insert name here] would like those. To, you know, hide her bra straps."

"Hey honey! Come look at this fantastic new product being advertised on TV."
"Why is there drool on your chin?"
"Oh, I was...napping...when suddenly this commercial came on and I thought you might be interested. I know how much you hate when your bra straps show."
"How thoughtful."
"I know."
"So it has nothing to do with the youthful lift to my cleavage?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I just thought you could use the strap perfect for the new dress I'm buying you for our anniversary dinner next week."

Smooth. Real smooth.

In conclusion, I'm pretty sure this infomercial brings new meaning to the phrase "boob tube".

My profoundest apologies.

I have to apologize for my lack of posting over the past few days. I was on a temporary hiatus that I should have warned you about ahead of time.

Why was I gone? For the first time ever, I attended GenCon, one of the biggest gaming conventions in the world, which takes place right in my home state of Indiana and has for quite some time. In case you're wondering, no, I'm not a hard-core D&D, WoW, or Magic player. (However, I am slightly in awe of the people that can understand those games and spend so much time playing them. It's pretty impressive.) I really enjoyed going to the convention and trying out demo board games and card games and wandering around and seeing all of the people in costumes. I played an amped-up version of Uno with some pretty awesome home-made rules, and even earned myself a cool nickname (The Silent Assassin). I got interviewed for a podcast, which you can find at here. (I don't think they've posted it yet, so who knows if anyone will actually get to hear the 'silent assassin' speak. Haha.)

The great thing about GenCon is that everyone is equal. Nobody really has any problems with anyone. Everyone is just there to have a good time gaming. You don't really know many people, but there are 20,000 people there for you to meet and connect with and have an enormously fun weekend with. I personally enjoyed playing Are You A Werewolf? (werewolf is better than mafia, and don't let anyone tell you differently) until the wee hours of the morning. I had a four-day ribbon, so my best friend and I played every night from ten to around midnight, and last night we ended up playing a two-hour game that lasted until 2:15 am. It was intense, and probably the most fun thing I've done in a while. The people I played with were so great, and I hope I get to see them all again next year.

So the moral to this post is that gamer geeks are some of the coolest people in the world and GenCon is not just for the stereotypical gamers. There's really something there for everyone. (For example, I took a swing dancing class and a Celtic dance class, and they were really fun. They even had a crochet circle that I accidentally got signed up for. My friend went instead so I could attend aforementioned Celtic dance class.)

In conclusion, I'm sorry I haven't posted any new infomercials. I am too tired to post anything right now, but if I don't post today I promise three new posts for tomorrow. :)

Love, Sarah

Let's all get a grip.

Before we begin our regularly-scheduled programming, I'd like to thank yesterday's first commenter for helping to settle the debate between the Slanket and the Snuggie. Thank you, anonymous. :)

Now "Get a Grip" because it's time for today's infomercial!




Oh no! (As in, Oh no! My voice is already annoying and it's only two seconds in!)
Ouch! (As in, Ouch! I just got fired for being obnoxious.)

"Sounds like you need to get a grip! While you're doing that, I'm gonna take over your job because clearly you are not cut out for infomercial voiceovers!"

I'm not sure who exactly they are pandering to with this one. I mean, I was with them at the beginning (especially the Super Strong label with the shot of the bare torso of a muscular man--don't think I don't know what you advertisers are up to), but then they had to go and show that ladder. On the yacht.

Is that their way of telling us we can't afford their product unless we can afford a yacht?

BUT, yacht message aside, I feel like this one just doesn't work in my mind. My immature mind.
Why?

Go back to 0:48. "Anywhere you need temporary assistance."

.....Like, when I'm sitting on the toilet? What kind of assistance are we implying?

But wait, do you feel like someone you care about needs assistance also? Great! If you call RIGHT NOW and pay two times what this product is worth, we'll throw in a second one FREE! How generous are we?

That is a very convincing testimonial, though. I think I feel safe and confident knowing you feel safe and confident getting in and out of the shower.

Just make sure you remove the Get a Grip before having company over, or they make ask you why you've got a telephone in your bathtub.

Two infomercials for the price of one!

(Limited time only.) ;)

You may be wondering why I decided to post two infomercials today. Well, originally, THIS was the infomercial for the day:



Then, an epiphany hit me while I searched through the pages of Snuggie parodies on youtube in a desperate effort to find the actual TV advertisement. And you know what that epiphany is?

The Snuggie is cliche. It's not cool or funny anymore. All the youtubers have beaten the poor Snuggie to death, and anything I said would be superfluous and unnecessary (ha! ten points to whoever caught that little redundancy).

So, instead of the Snuggie, I give you another completely different product by a completely different company for FREE with your viewing of the above Snuggie infomercial.



The Slanket! It's a blanket with sleeves!

Wow, that's so brilliant. But...something's wrong. I feel like I'm having Deja Vu.

Why, it almost reminds me of...Nah, it couldn't be.
*lookng back to top of post*
GASP! THE SLANKET AND THE SNUGGIE ARE THE SAME THING!

This can only mean on thing. One of them is an idea-stealing nincompoop. But which is the victim?

I think it's time for Slanket Wars. (I'm not exactly sure what that entails. Nevertheless...) WHO WILL RISE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE FOR THE SLEEVED BLANKETS?

Will it be the SNUGGIE, Master of the Universe of Cheesy Infomercials and Current Champion of Infomercial Parodies?

Or will it be the underdog, the SLANKET, with it's Average Joe, remote-wouldn't-work-through-the-blanket, still-living-with-mom, best-product-since-velcro-and-sliced-bread advertising?

YOU DECIDE!

Almost too good to be true, but only almost.

Today, I've selected the first of the kitchen utilities. Kitchen utilities are a class of their own, don't you think?

Introducing, the HANDY PEEL!



Wow, this infomercial's got all the best tricks of the trade!
1) The broken record approach: "Peel-peel-peeling potatoes!"
2) The phrase "quick and easy".
3) Alliteration! "A pile of perfectly peeled potatoes."

It's great! Wow, I'm really having a hard time finding anything wrong with this...
................
But wait, did my ears deceive me, or did the announcer just use the phrase "molded rubbing nubs?"

Take a moment to let that sink in. Molded rubbing nubs. I don't know what mental image you get, but my own involves some disembodied and gangrenous upper arms canoodling a pile of potatoes. *shiver* I won't be eating potatoes anytime this week.

"But you know what's even greater about the Handy Peel? You can just rub your potatoes and they instantly become mashed potatoes or french fries!"

I have to tell you, though, my favorite part of this commercial: "Get the handy peel and leave MOST of the veggie for the meal!"
Why do I love this so much? Well, all advertisers ever do these days is over-exaggerate. Every time I turn on the television to watch my favorite infomercials, I am faced with the harsh reality that these products may not live up to expectations.

But that's not the case with the Handy Peel commercial! No, they only promise you MOST of the vegetable. "No need to mess with exactly how much "most" is because by generalizing, we can't ever let you down (so long as you get over 50% of your vegetable)! Aren't we such honest and almost-hard-working advertisers?"

Way to go, semi-achievers. Don't overstep your capabilities.

Speak up, sonny!

What do you do when it's hard to hear, but you don't want to miss hearing a word?
Uh, get a hearing aid?
WRONG!



You get yourself a Loud 'n' Clear!
Why pay thousands of dollars for highly sensitive and technologically advanced hearing aids that are now so small you can barely see them? Now there's the Loud 'n' Clear! This over-sized bluetooth-resembling hearing enhancer will make everyday life beautiful again! That's right, I'm talking Bingo games, nature walks, Euchre games with the other retirement home residents -- all the things you could ever need!

But WAIT, you're not elderly and you're feeling INCREDIBLY jealous of your grannie because she's got an awesome Loud 'n' Clear? No problem! You can have one too! That's right, Loud 'n' Clear is fantastic for eavesdropping! Privacy is sooo three days ago. No one will ever notice the big sound amplifier attached to your ear.
(Please note: Loud 'n' Clear does not condone eavesdropping in any way. We are not responsible for any slaps in the face, ruined relationships, and crushed self-esteem caused by your usage of the Loud 'n' Clear.)

I rewrote a classic fairy tale just in honor of the Loud 'n' Clear:

Why, grannie, what big glasses you have!
The better to SEE you with, my dear.
And grannie, what a big hearing device you have!
The better to HEAR you with, my dear.
And grannie, what big...um, gums you have?
Hold that thought, my dear, I have to go hobble over to my dentures.
Right. You know, Grannie, here's that basket of goodies. I'm just gonna leave them on the table.

Little did "Grannie" know that Red Riding Hood was actually not an idiot, and therefore could see that her grandma was suddenly covered from head to foot with wolfy fur. As if wearing Grannie's Loud 'n' Clear could cover THAT up. So, she went and found a woodsmen, who was using HIS Loud 'n' Clear to detect the wildlife, and together they hunted down the grannie-devouring wolf.

Don't you love happy endings?

(By the way, does anyone else love how they use the same clips over and over again?)

Well, it DOES say "magic"...

Today's infomercial, in addition to the Tiddy Bear commercial, is this little beauty.



Not the worst infomercial ever, I'll give it that. In fact, I learned a few things...

1) Magic (n): something that can be plugged into a computer
2) Disappear (v): The act of circling an item on paper and putting a big red X through it, thereby making it slightly less legible

I don't know about you, but I was WAY off on what I thought those meant.

But you know, that's not a bad deal. $19.95 a year? (No, not 19.95 a month, 19.95 a year!) Well, yeah, I heard you the first time...
Wait, though, did you just say that email has eliminated postage stamps? So you're saying I just bought a hundred stamps to send out thank-you notes when I could have just sent a quicker and completely less personal and less thoughtful email? Shoot.

But nevermind all that, I'm just excited about the $19.95 a year! I can't believe that's all I have to pay.
What's that? Wait, $39.95 for the actual Magic Jack? But I thought you said $19.95. And how is the first year free if I'm paying $39.95? Because that sounds an awful lot like "not free" to me.

I guess I need to go back to basic math, huh?

Awkward...

Having trouble with car seatbelt traps cutting into your body? Do you find yourself digging around in the backseat for anything soft that could ease the pain of those pesky, constricting, life-saving contraptions they make you use?

Well, obviously the makers of this wonderful product did. How ELSE would they have come to the conclusion....



...that everyone wants a cuddly, spray-cheese-in-a-can-colored teddy bear to solve the problem?

I have nothing wrong with this product. In fact, I think it's great! Why? Let me list a few reasons.

1) First off, that name is ALMOST really awkward, but thankfully the voice-over man knows how to spell. Otherwise, people might mishear that it's called the TIDDY bear.

2) Wrapping a piece of soft fabric with velcro around your seatbelt is just lame. I mean, beady-eyed stuffed animals are so much more fashionable.

3) I often have uncomfortable pressure that needs alleviating...on my chest?

4) It's so cute and TOTALLY not creepy the way those little bears grope whatever area they happen to be secured to, not to mention burying their faces in your skin.

5) The Tiddy Bear stays where you want it. Right where you want it.

6) It's not all happy and smiley like those other stuffed animal seatbelt holders. The Tiddy Bear's serious expression let's me know that it is very serious about its job. Or angry and discontented, but that's just even better!

7) I often feel very lonely when I drive, but now I've got the Tiddy Bear to rest on my shoulder and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. It makes my other personalities feel so much more valid!

.....um, yeah.
Does anyone else feel incredibly uncomfortable watching this infomercial?

About InfoTastic!

Hello!

InfoTastic is a blog dedicated solely to the wonderful world of infomercials (and television commercials in general that may not be typically defined as infomercials, depending on the circumstance). How many times a day to you find yourself unwittingly glued to a television screen trying to sell you the next best thing? How often do you have to chain your hands to the sofa to keep from reaching for the phone and buying yet another appliance that you don't need?InfoTastic is here to help! That's right, folks! InfoTastic is here to mock, ridicule, and poke loving fun at those pesky little commercials that keep burning holes in our pockets. Please note that InfoTastic is not here to endorse products or to provide any commentary on the functional abilities of the products themselves. The InfoTastic blog is simply here to entertain.

What's that you say? There's nothing funny about infomercials? I beg to differ.

Allow me to start off with a personal favorite infomercial of mine. I call this "Just how inappropriate can an infomercial get?


It's the Gazelle!
"Hey, kids, watch this! The best way to get a girl to like you is to make her incredibly uncomfortable by violating her personal space and then insult her! Added bonus if you can force her to keep her body pressed against yours for longer than 20 seconds. But the surest way to win her affection? Make obnoxious high-pitched noises while talking. But-TOCKS!"
(Results not typical. Most self-respecting women will inflict bodily harm if treated thusly. Proceed with caution.)

Another fine specimen of why the Gazelle infomercials are InfoTastic:


Aaaand the caaaalves! Ohh la la!